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Poptarts, Homemade


Grade School me saw an entirely different side of the world.  We were poor–no ifs and or butts about this one.  We were lucky if we stayed in one place long enough to make friends with the neighbor kids and even luckier if we could sit with the same kids we’d befriended earlier that year at lunch.  There were definitely lots-o-lunches that comprised of naked, uncooked Ramen Noodles or baggies of Cereal, lol.  Being poor did not afford us the luxury of any hot fluffy Eggs or golden drizzled Hot Cakes for Breakfast either.  On Sundays (the Family’s special day), we’d be treated to Canned Beans, Canned Corn, with a heap of bright and yellow scrambled Eggs, made even prettier with a lacey drizzle of Ketchup.  I’m not even the least bit resentful.  I will tell anyone just how fond I am of this particular meal.  I still crave it today: case in point

Ya know, that may just be where my affinity for the oh-so-humble Egg may have come from.  Dirt cheap and an endless giver

…but for most Breakfasts, I remember eating a lot of Poptarts–most of the time cold bc Mom was adamant that to even the bus stop we should always make it a point to make it there earlier rather than later. Poptarts are just one of those things that takes me instantly back to childhood–like the Playdoh that we weren’t suppose to eat but did.  So in an attempt to wrangle that nice and wonderful feeling and stick it in some dough, I present to you

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Poptarts, Homemade
Prep time

Cook time

Total time



  • Pie Crust:
  • •16 tb cold Veggie Shortening (I love the Spectrum Brand) if you absolutely detest any type of shortening, you can use ½ Shortening + ½ Butter (I’ve never personally done it with just all Butter and love the flaky effect that the Shortening brings).
  • •14 oz All Purp. Flour (I aim to weigh most of my baking ingredients but get away without it for say, my Cookies but like to weigh it here).
  • •2 tb Sugar
  • •1 ts Salt
  • •4 tb ice cold Milk mixed with ½ ts Lemon Juice
  • •4 tb (give or take a few spoons) ice cold Water
  • Prepared Jam/Jelly/Preserves
  • Glaze:
  • •Powder Sugar + the teeniest bit of Milk to make a thick Glaze Consistency (experiment with a drop or two at a time) + Coarse Colored Sugar/Sprinkles
  • ?make sure to allow your Pop-tarts to cool before glazing.

  1. Do not overmix your dough, cut in your Shortening/Flour first then add your wet.
  2. You can mix this by hand or use a Food Processor but I would not pulse more than 25-30 short spurts. Additionally, you can also use a Stand Mixer fitted with a paddle attachment = similarly, don’t mix for longer than say…1-2 minutes.
  3. Allow your dough discs to chill in the fridge for at least an hour
  4. Fill with Jam/Jelly/Preserves then seal/crimp
  5. Bake these at 350 for 19-22 minutes
  6. Cool completely and glaze

Does anyone remember the Pop-Tart Cereal?  Everyone thinks I’m makin’ it up, lol.


Teeny tiny Poptarts and Homemade Poptarts alike—Poptarts unnnnnitee!!!

LOL, I’m being way too kid silly right now.

Love y’all!!

Your Squishy Monster ^.^

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4 thoughts on “Poptarts, Homemade

  • brian says:

    poptarts are awesome. i have one to eat today but it store brand! haha yep i poor growing up too. 9 of us living in little house. lived on PBJ(penutbuterjelly) sandwiches + milk. otherwise always cereal. only sundays we had pancakes or bacon + eggs for breakfast. i still eat cereal,poptarts + eggs too because it reminds me of younger days. Peace out SQUISHY!!!

  • The Squishy Monster says:

    Thanks for sharing this with me, Brain! It’s times like that I often find myself reflecting on. Somehow it was complicated and wonderful all at the same time.

  • brian says:

    (Y) <—that supposed to be thumbs up.. but they not always show in posts! hehe

  • The Squishy Monster says:

    I work on the internet and I still don’t know a lot of things, lol!

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